I know of what I speak. I have had one, a mother, several in fact. And I have had the pleasure and benefit of knowing many others. I offer to you proof, that I too, am a Mother. No less august an institution than the Montgomery County Maryland Public School System says so.
For four years, granted in the last century CE, I was officially listed on the Oakland Terrace Elementary School PTA documentation as “Room Mother”. My initiation began when the “Room Mother Superior” called about refreshments for the Halloween Party. I answered the phone. She asked to speak “to my wife”. Politely, I replied that she was unavailable, could I help? “Oh, no thanks, it’s about baking for the Halloween Party. I need to speak to her.” Politely, I explained that if the issue was about cooking, then I was the parent of record and performance and would be happy to contribute. Probably less politely, I added that the PTA phone list was accurate, and that I was the designated “Room Mother”.
[Conversation continues]
Me: What is it you want for the party?
She: Well, cupcakes. Do you do cupcakes?
Me: Of course.
She: They need to be made to specific criteria, so
each one is identical to the ones the other
mothers are baking. We don’t want competition
or to have a child feel slighted.
Me: Of course.
She: They are to be vanilla cake in paper baking cups,
with milk chocolate icing, and one piece of
candy corn on top. Got that?
Me: Copy that.
She: Please repeat back the instructions.
Me: (Repeating, to the letter.)
She: OK then, we’ll see.
[Scene change to party day, kindergarten classroom. I have my dozen cupcakes to code. On the table before me are several dozen cupcakes: paper cups, vanilla cake, milk chocolate frosting, each with THREE PIECES OF CANDY CORN!!!]
Welcome to motherhood. I said nothing at the time. I remained a room mother for four years when the PTA changed the designation to “Room Parent” and all confusion disappeared, at least in the baking department. In the interest of gender equity, perhaps the official designation should be: “Loving Parent”.
Thanks Mom… & Dad. Peace, Love and Happy Mother’s Day to you all.
[Note to additional bona fide: I am also regularly referred to as “mutha” by many.]
Comments, questions, disagreements, snide remarks and silly stories are welcome.