The basic soup question is: “What is your soup of the day?” This is a direct request for clear information. [Side bar: we have a local restaurant that for full disclosure lists “soup of yesterday” on their menu.] The communication difficulties in this area are that many people don’t know they are asking for information and that they are unaware of the information they want or need. We can help communication when we are clear and then we can guide others to understand where they are. “What specific information do you think would help you right now?” “Consider some of the following types of questions in case you are asking for something other than information.” Even soup questions can benefit from increased clarity: soup – clam chowder, response – fresh or canned, Manhattan or New England?
The classic Greek philosopher and teacher, Socrates, used questions to guide his students’ thought process rather than to solicit specific data. What are several possible alternatives for your answer? What are the projected positive and negative consequences of each alternative? Working through this process is related to rhetorical questions. The Socratic method helps to expand the brain-function options, while the rhetorical operations expand the range of content for possible solutions. Related and different.
Have you been in a group setting when someone says: ”Don’t you think…?” and then proceeds with a lengthy monologue on their own thoughts and beliefs, rather that asking a question? This is the “camouflage” form of question. At its root it is not soliciting information, it is setting a platform for stating an opinion and passively seeking approval of their position. The second part of the camouflage is that if there is disagreement or a negative response, they have the default position of: “well, I was only asking a question.” Clear communication is most effective when we make statements first about the context of our own ideas and second, then ask any soup or Socratic/rhetorical questions as follow-up.
Another form of camouflage question is framed: “This may be a stupid question, but…” What this attempts to hide is the speaker’s own negative evaluation of their own offering or self-image. This is an ineffective deflection in case there are conflicting feelings or ideas in others. This is ineffective because in its form the negativity is already internalized.
Fishing questions essentially ask the other person to “show theirs first”. These questions try to manipulate the conversation so that the context looks like it comes from the person answering the questions. The classic form is:
Person 1: “Say ‘cow’”.
Person 2: “Cow”.
Person 1: “Speaking of cows……”
It is clear and okay to just state that you would like to talk about cows.
Question homework: I used to assign my college students this exercise. Ask ten people what they “think” about a certain topic. Then ask ten others what they “feel” about the same topic. Listen to the responses. Do males and females answer the same way, or differently? Do answers cluster by age? Have fun playing with the function of questions in conversation. Any questions?
[Comments, “shares”, disagreements, silly stories welcomed. Even questions.]